January was a hard month for me. It was truly horrible. I had tones of work. We broke up, we got back together, I lied. He lied. He argued. I had to go trough the most anguishing situation of my life! It was so bad. It was the worst thing I've ever had to go trough. And I've been trough some rough shit. I was feeling like crap for like 3 weeks: I was only able to sleep two or three hours a night. I wasn't eating anything. Because of all the stress, I literally had a knot on my stomach, I could't really eat anything. And when I ate, I'd trow up everything because of the anxiety. I was a nerve-rack. I was throwing up every morning, right after getting out of bed. It got to a point where I was already throwing up blood -- I think I was getting an ulcer or something like that. It was really really bad for me.
Now things are better. We are better. Not perfect. Better. I've told him that I think he is my soulmate. That helped. He is expecting me to say "I love you" -- When I go to sleep I often text him "Goodnight, ily" and he said that that doesn't work. That I have to say it like I mean it. Well, I think he really wants to be with me. But I still have bad dreams about this whole situation. I wake up in the middle of the night, crying almost, with my heart pounding like I'm about to have a heart attack. And this happens like once a week, so yeah, my anxiety levels are still trough the roof. I never felt anything more anguishing in my live. I've had other boyfriends. I've had my hear broken many times. I've felt disappointment before. But usually this type of things don't affect me like this. I've always been very relaxed about this sort of things