Sunday, November 26, 2017

My life | My life is a Mexican soap opera

Writing posts like this always helps me. Writing in general helps me to get my mind straight, so bare with me...

My life is shit right now. Why? Because I screwed up. Remember that guy I was dating...? Yeah, he kinda messed me up really bad. Our relationship was toxic and destructive. He changed me so much to the point that I don’t even recognize my self. I'm so messed up, that I’ve been having this recurring dream where I keep getting texts from my friends, my brother, my mom, asking what happened to me, what happened to the girl they all used to know.  This is how broken I am.

We broke up in August. And since that I’ve been devastated. I mean, there was a time where I was dragging my self trough the ground. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I cried every day and every night... It was though. Mostly because of some of the things he said...

And then, around Halloween, my best friend came here, trying to pull me out of this dark hole I was in. She is living abroad and as soon as she realized how messed up I was, she caught the first flight to Lisbon. She is amazing. We went shopping, I got my hair cut, we got all dressed up and went out. She was only here for a week, and one of the nights she also wanted to hang with this guy that she knows. I went too and the three of us spent like 4 hours just talking, laughing and making jokes. 
This guy was really nice. A simple guy, from the north of Portugal. I have no idea how tha'hell she knows is him, since he just moved to Lisbon. He told us that he has a girlfriend, who’s in the UK and that he doesn’t really know anyone here yet. So we all went out again the next two days. 
He got my phone number and after my friend left he stated texting me. I wasn’t interested in him at all. He is super smart and funny, and hanging out with was fun. But I could tell from the way he was texting me that he wanted more than just hang. But I has so down, I was feeling so bad about my self, that I was ignoring any of his invites. For almost a week he invited me every single day for something. I always came up with an excuse not to go.
In the meantime, my ex-boyfriend decided that he missed me and that after all he wanted to be with me again. I was super happy! I went to meet him, we here going to have dinner. But than we saw that I had the tinder app installed on my phone. It wasn’t even logged on with my name! My friend and I, we used it when she was here, just to see if we could find anyone we knew, just to laugh and to make me think of something else. He lost his mind. He almost called me a whore and once again made me feel like I was worthless. 
But you know what, sometimes you just need a huge slap on the face to wake up. I cried all the way home. But when I got home I realized that this person has been destroying me for the past year.

The other guy was still trying pretty hard to see me again, so I the next day I went and had a coffee with him. Just coffee. And we had fun. And the next day he invited me for dinner. At his place. I was really reluctant to accept his invite. I really was. Called my friend. She said “go, and enjoy being with someone that is dying to be with you”. And you know what, he was. We had dinner and wine, we talked and made fun of each other’s accents, and we kissed and we slept together. And for the first time in so long I fucking felt like someone was attracted to me. This guy was so persistent, he even went to the trouble of cooking me dinner, while knowing that I wasn’t really that interested in him! My confidence was totally recharged! And now I honestly feel so much better about myself. I feel like a curse was lift of. I feel like everything is bright and beautiful again. Everything has colour, everything has life. I can't explain. I know that I'm a cool, smart, amazing girl, and that I deserve so much better than the other asshole. I’m in control of my own life and my own feelings and although I still do think that asshole is my soulmate, he just can’t understand what he made me trough. He doesn’t understand how much he messed up with my head, with my values, with my identity. I almost hate him for that.

So yeah, this is what's been going on. For the past few weeks I’ve been having fun with that other guy. I thought this was a one time thing, that we wouldn’t want to be with me again. But no, he kept texting me, he kept wanting to be with me... I went to his place a couple of times, we talk, we watch movies, we drink, and do other stuff. I am having fun, and I feel like I’m finally my self again. 

I have zero romantic feelings for him. Specially because he has a girlfriend. He told me that they have some sort of agreement... and open relationship or whatever. I don’t know if I believe him, but I don’t care. This is doing me so good, let’s just forget that technicality!

23 comments:

  1. Wonderul post daring, so nice,original and interesting! Love it!
    Enjoy in weekend!

    New post is on my blog.
    Visit me, Maleficent

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good post.
    I like the photograph.
    I like the "sorting things out" essay.
    You're being you now -- just in time
    for the Christmas season.
    Nicely done.
    😘

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  3. Glad for you ;)
    Hope you are having fun every day my little girl!

    https://dinamighty.com/

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  4. "Stay strong".
    E larga esse outro que só te faz sentir miserável, às vezes é melhor cortar o mal pela raíz, dói mas a longo prazo é uma grande ajuda.
    Lembro-me sempre da bela frase "O amor não deve doer".

    MRS. MARGOT

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  5. Honey, my heart is in a million pieces for you. I know that you don’t fall in love easily, I’ve seen you run away from guys that were really in love with you so many times! And I know you thought that this guy was “the one”. He isn’t. You don’t need to go trough shit to be with the love of your life. Things should be easy and simple. I know you thing that nothing comes easy for you, but honey, I told you from the start that this guy was not for you. I am happy to find you that you are fucking around with our dear friend. He is a great rebound ;) call me if you need anything! LY ❤️

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  6. Homem nenhum deve poder deitar-nos fora e resolver voltar para a nossa vida quando lhe apetece é tomar-te garantida e abusar da tua boa vontade e sentimentos. Criaturas infelizes que só sabem ser felizes com a miséria dos outros.
    Tu vales a pena, sorte do gajo que tiver a honra de te ter ao lado dele e isso é o mais importante.
    Pessoalmente não sei me sentiria confortável com o teu arranjinho com esse moço. Mas se ele tá resolvido com a namorada, tu sabes o que queres dele e ele faz-te tem então, go for it!
    O que cura o coração partido é o tempo e, geralmente, outra pessoa :P

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    Replies
    1. Vinha escrever exatamente isto :)

      Cuida-te, ouve-te, diverte-te! <3
      ***

      Delete
  7. Receio que me aconteça algo bem parecido em breve... Beijinhos*

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  8. tudo começa dentro de nós se nos senti mos bem so temos de continuar

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  9. Great post dear

    Have a nice day! :)

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  10. Se ele te faz sentir assim, se tens que passar por tudo isso, não é ele "o tal". Como disse a tua amiga, quando é a tua alma gémea ou whatever, deve ser simples e fácil, não assim. Move on! É difícil mas é o que precisas fazer para te sentires melhor (e te sentires tu mesma, de novo).
    Estas situações são uma porcaria, de verdade, e custa muito, mas tu és forte! You go, girl!

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  11. Wow, you've been through a lot lately, hope everything will work out for you, remdmber you deserve the best☺

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  12. Legal esta voltando a ser você novamente, isso é o mais importante.
    Obrigada pela visita!
    Bjs❤
    Abrir Janela

    ReplyDelete
  13. Aproveita a vida que são dois dias! Deixa para trás quem não te faz bem e sê feliz! :)

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  14. Não permitas que te tratem mal. Porque quem ama cuida! Luta sempre por ti, pelo teu amor próprio e vive da melhor maneira possível. Quem não te faz feliz não merece estar na tua vida

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  15. Aproveita e aceita quem te faz sentir bem, afasta quem te faz mal! É bastante difícil por vezes, assim como percebi que foi contigo, mas finalmente estás a ultrapassar e ainda bem! És a pessoa mais importante do mundo, take care ;)
    Aparentemente já seguia o teu blog, acho que já tínhamos trocado algum comentário! Muito obrigada.
    Beijinhoo

    Automatic Destiny

    ReplyDelete
  16. R.Sim, já me tinham falado no 7, é mais caro mas se valer a pena... isso dos dois anos acontece em todos os iphones? Não me apetecia trocar de telemóvel de 2 em 2 anos a este preço ahaha.

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  17. Great post.

    www.paginasempreto.blogspot.com.br

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  18. O essencial é sempre, pensar em nós e estar feliz!

    Beijinhos,
    Cristiana Simões - http://araparigaderoxo.blogspot.pt/

    ReplyDelete
  19. Juro que segurei a respiração até dizeres que ele tinha uma relação aberta. Eu percebo o que possas estar a passar mas sou pouco flexível no que toca a manter relações de qualquer tipo (intimas ou românticas) quando temos conhecimento que a outra pessoa tem uma relação com outra pessoa. Mas se isso é aberto para ele, bom para ti.

    ReplyDelete

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